i figure it`s about time i should update about my life. well, as usual school is school. it seems to me that i have dedicated my well being to this whole nursing thing. then again, i feel like i am slacking which makes me feel.... really DUMB! i can get myself really disappointed easily when it comes to my grades and the skills that i perform in the hospitals. for instance last week, when we were all assigned to our patients, my clinical instructor started to ask me questions that usually he doesn't ask me about, about a patient. i was sure of what to say,... i felt ready and prepared. i knew the case of my patient, all the basic information. plus, i had a partner in crime, so i wasn't afraid for when my c.i. starts to ask us questions, because i thought, if i don't have an answer to his question, then at least my partner would be able to help me out. WRONG. we both just stood there looking ridiculously stupid. he asked us questions about different actions of different drugs. my fault, i didn't study the charts well. to be honest, i wanted to cry because i felt like a failure, we didn't answer any of his questions that day.

there are times when i degrade myself because i feel like my intellectual abilities don't reach or aren't at the same pace as my other "smart" classmates. i can feel sometimes left behind when it comes to a subject about a certain case and my classmates starts to talk about it as if it`s some kind of juicey gossip. that is how easy it is for them to understand.. (or at least remember).

my friends say my grades are pretty high and tell me that i am doing fine and for the most part, that i don't have any failed or back subjects. i am indeed greatful for that. i guess i am just grade conscious. i want to be consistent with my grades, but i don't know.. i think i procrastinate too much. (: well, like my c.i. said, we still have a long ass way to go. or other words, more days to procrastinate? haha..

i am forever grateful that my c.i. did ask those questions, because at least i know what to do next time whenever we have duty in a different hospital (which would be next monday) with a new clinical instructor. now at least i could say that i am prepared and ready. DONNA, READ EVERYTHING ON THE CHARTS DAMNIT.


donna