i figure it`s about time i should update about my life. well, as usual school is school. it seems to me that i have dedicated my well being to this whole nursing thing. then again, i feel like i am slacking which makes me feel.... really DUMB! i can get myself really disappointed easily when it comes to my grades and the skills that i perform in the hospitals. for instance last week, when we were all assigned to our patients, my clinical instructor started to ask me questions that usually he doesn't ask me about, about a patient. i was sure of what to say,... i felt ready and prepared. i knew the case of my patient, all the basic information. plus, i had a partner in crime, so i wasn't afraid for when my c.i. starts to ask us questions, because i thought, if i don't have an answer to his question, then at least my partner would be able to help me out. WRONG. we both just stood there looking ridiculously stupid. he asked us questions about different actions of different drugs. my fault, i didn't study the charts well. to be honest, i wanted to cry because i felt like a failure, we didn't answer any of his questions that day.

there are times when i degrade myself because i feel like my intellectual abilities don't reach or aren't at the same pace as my other "smart" classmates. i can feel sometimes left behind when it comes to a subject about a certain case and my classmates starts to talk about it as if it`s some kind of juicey gossip. that is how easy it is for them to understand.. (or at least remember).

my friends say my grades are pretty high and tell me that i am doing fine and for the most part, that i don't have any failed or back subjects. i am indeed greatful for that. i guess i am just grade conscious. i want to be consistent with my grades, but i don't know.. i think i procrastinate too much. (: well, like my c.i. said, we still have a long ass way to go. or other words, more days to procrastinate? haha..

i am forever grateful that my c.i. did ask those questions, because at least i know what to do next time whenever we have duty in a different hospital (which would be next monday) with a new clinical instructor. now at least i could say that i am prepared and ready. DONNA, READ EVERYTHING ON THE CHARTS DAMNIT.


donna

zombiee.

night shift has messed up my sleeping habbits ;(

OMFGAHHHHHHH i am like hella stressed. I have to finish all these requirements before I go back to the states. Mannnnnn I can`t wait until all of this is over. I remember doing a report about stress. It`s my time to shine and apply it.

1) STOP

2)BREATHE ( remember that you are STILL ALIVE. so don`t forget to breathe once in awhile. hahh)

3) RELAX __ whose gonna gimme a foot massage!

4) CHOOSE. chooooose youuu.

Unli-life.

I donated blood today! I was actually the first one there to donate, but there was another guy who came soon afterwards so I wasn't alone. And even if he wasn't there, I still wouldn't be alone.. I got my friends there to support me. :-) It felt so good once the procedure was done. I feel like supahhmannn.


Dont Lose Hope,
Donna

Julienne

The memory that I am about to share about her is probably.. the only most memorable moment we have ever had. Well, I remember attending one of the Villaruz party.. and i remember one of the Tita's were taking out the ingrown from her toe. I was sitting next to julienne and because she was so terrified, she held my hand.. and I held hers.

As I ponder back upon this memory, I can't help myself but smile. She of all people, would be afraid of a little ingrown in her toe - yet, she was not afraid with the fact that her life could be taken away any day,.. any second.

And when I think about my life, about how or when I would die, I shudder with fear with just the thought of it. Death is inevitable. It is so unexpected, yet it is. It brings pain, yet it makes people stronger.

I have already experienced losing the loves of my life. I have moved on, but that doesn't mean I have already forgotten. I wish Julienne was still here to hold my hand, just like I held hers, to reassure me that everything will be okay.

Julienne died because of cancer. She was a very young, beautiful woman. Even though we weren't close, I hope you felt the love I had for you from the exchanged greetings, smiles and laughter we shared everytime we saw each other. I love you! Sleep well little one. And please tell my mom that I miss her everyday <3


Don't Lose Hope,
Donna